Have you ever found yourself admiring someone so deeply that you overlook their flaws, see them as nearly perfect, or believe they can do no wrong? This tendency to idealize others—to “put them on a pedestal”—is a common human experience. While it may seem harmless or even uplifting at first, perpetual idealization can have significant psychological consequences for both parties. In this article, we’ll explore why we elevate others to unattainable heights, how it can affect our self-esteem and relationships, and, most importantly, practical strategies for bringing those individuals back down to earth—in healthy, constructive ways.
Why We Put People on Pedestals
The urge to idealize can stem from various psychological needs:
- Insecurity or low self-worth: Viewing others as superior can highlight our perceived inadequacies while projecting unattainable perfection onto someone else.
- Desire for belonging: Idolizing someone might feel like a ticket to acceptance, admiration, or love.
- Cultural conditioning: Society often encourages us to admire celebrities, leaders, or authority figures as faultless individuals.
- Romantic longing: New relationships often trigger “honeymoon” idealization, magnifying a partner’s virtues and ignoring red flags.
- Parental influence: Childhood patterns, such as placing parents or mentors on pedestals, can carry over into adulthood.
While it’s natural to admire individuals, over-idealization can blind us to reality, stifle genuine connections, and erode our sense of self-worth.
The Hidden Costs of Idealization
At first glance, viewing someone through rose-tinted glasses might appear harmless or even inspiring. However, this habit brings several drawbacks:
1. Unrealistic Expectations
When we idealize, we expect more than anyone can deliver. Eventually, the person will disappoint us simply by being human. This can lead to profound disillusionment or resentment.
2. Self-Esteem Issues
Comparing ourselves unfavorably to those we place above us reinforces feelings of inadequacy and lowers self-confidence. We may even shy away from pursuing our goals or expressing our needs, believing we don’t measure up.
3. Unbalanced Relationships
Pedestals create power imbalances. The elevated person may feel pressured to live up to impossible standards or resent being misunderstood. Genuine intimacy suffers when both individuals can’t relate as equals.
- Dependency: The admirer becomes emotionally reliant, seeking validation or approval.
- Neglecting Your Needs: You may dismiss your desires, prioritizing the other person’s wants or opinions.
The Psychology Behind Projection and Idealization
At its core, placing others on pedestals is a form of psychological projection. We project our hopes, dreams, or unmet needs onto another, letting their perceived perfection fill an emotional or existential gap within ourselves.
Sigmund Freud described projection as a defense mechanism—attributing one’s own feelings to someone else. Carl Jung further emphasized that “what you resist not only persists but will grow in size.” Suppressing our vulnerabilities leads to inflating others’ strengths in compensation. Loving—or idolizing—someone else for attributes we wish we had can obscure the journey toward embracing our own unique worthiness.
Recognizing the Signs: Are You Putting Someone on a Pedestal?
Not sure whether you’re crossing the line from admiration into idealization? Consider these indicators:
- You regularly overlook or rationalize the person’s flaws or missteps.
- Your opinion of yourself drops when comparing yourself to them.
- You feel anxious about disappointing or displeasing them.
- You envision them as more talented, attractive, or moral than anyone else.
- Your identity or decisions are excessively influenced by their preferences.
- You feel devastated when their imperfections become obvious.
If these behaviors resonate, it’s time to consider gently returning that person to solid ground.
Why It's Healthier to Take People off the Pedestal
Building relationships on a foundation of mutual respect and realistic expectations empowers both individuals to grow. Here’s why stepping away from idealization is vital:
- Authenticity Flourishes: Embracing both strengths and flaws allows for deeper, truer connections.
- Empowerment: Recognizing your own value leads to healthier boundaries and increased self-confidence.
- Relief for the Idealized: Pedestals are lonely and stressful. Allowing someone to be imperfect is a gift, not only to yourself but to them.
- Improved Communication: Openly acknowledging needs and differences leads to more honest and resilient relationships.
How to Bring Someone Down from the Pedestal
Adjusting how you view others isn’t about diminishing them; it’s about balancing admiration with realism. Here’s how to begin:
1. Reflect on the Origins
Ask yourself, “Why am I inclined to idolize this person?” Is it because you crave approval, lack confidence, or yearn for something missing in your life? Awareness is the first step to change.
2. Practice Perspective-Taking
Remind yourself that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Mentally list both for this person. This exercise can help you appreciate them as complex, relatable individuals—not flawless icons.
3. Reclaim Your Value
Assess your own talents, achievements, and positive qualities. What do you offer in relationships? How have your unique experiences shaped your perspective? The more you recognize your worth, the less likely you are to inflate someone else’s.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
Resist the urge to always agree, comply, or seek their approval. Practice expressing your opinions, preferences, or limits—even when it feels uncomfortable at first.
5. Seek Diverse Connections
The wider your social network and the richer your inner life, the less pressure any one person will hold for you. Diversifying your sources of support and inspiration can reduce over-focus on a single individual.
6. Embrace Disappointment as Growth
When you notice someone’s flaws or make mistakes, acknowledge your feelings but resist catastrophizing. Use disappointment as a chance to strengthen empathy, forgiveness, and resilience.
Practical Exercises to Challenge Idealization
Ready to shift your perspective? Try these evidence-based, psychology-backed practices:
- Journaling: Regularly write about moments when your admiration shifted to frustration or disappointment. What did you learn? How did it affect your self-image?
- Cognitive Restructuring: When thinking, “They’re perfect,” challenge the thought: “Everyone is human. Perfection is impossible.”
- Gratitude Reflection: Each day, express gratitude for your own strengths, not just others’ achievements.
- Mindfulness Meditation: Practice observing your thoughts about the person without judgment or attachment—a technique proven to reduce rumination and bias.
What If You're the One on the Pedestal?
Perhaps you recognize that someone else is idealizing you, and with it, the pressure to “measure up” or anxiety about letting them down. Here’s how to address this dynamic with kindness and authenticity:
- Model Vulnerability: Share your imperfections, mistakes, or fears as appropriate. Normalize being human.
- Set Boundaries: If their expectations become overwhelming or intrusive, be honest about what’s realistic.
- Encourage Their Growth: Gently support their self-development and independence. Redirect praise or seek to elevate their strengths, not just highlight your own.
When Professional Help Might Be Needed
Persistent patterns of idealization can signal deeper issues such as low self-esteem, codependency, or unresolved childhood wounds. If you find it especially difficult to form balanced relationships, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist who can help uncover underlying causes and support your growth toward self-acceptance.
Building Healthier Relationships Through Realistic Appreciation
True admiration is not blind devotion. It is the conscious act of recognizing someone’s strengths and weaknesses, respecting their humanity, and refusing to sacrifice your own identity in the process. Here’s how to strike this balance moving forward:
- Value others for who they are—not who you wish them to be.
- Acknowledge the complexity and fallibility in everyone, including yourself.
- Communicate openly and accept differences without glorifying or diminishing them.
- Invest in your own self-development and well-being, so your sense of worth is never reliant on another’s status or approval.
Conclusion: The Freedom of Letting Go of Pedestals
When we place someone on a pedestal, we inevitably look up to them—and lose sight of the equal ground we share. Real, lasting connection stems from vulnerability, respect, and awareness of our shared humanity. By bringing others down from impossible heights, we liberate ourselves to love and be loved for who we truly are: perfectly imperfect, and worthy just as we are.
If you’ve struggled with idealization, remember, you are not alone. Take small, compassionate steps toward self-recognition and balanced connection. In doing so, you pave the way for deeper, more authentic relationships—and a kinder relationship with yourself.
